Taming the Excruciatingly Painful Ghosts Of Your Past

You wanna know what one of the most challenging aspects of growing up is?

Not just for your children…but you yourself as well?

It's simple to name but oooooooooh so difficult to embrace.

And that, of course, are the:

Excruciatingly painful ghosts of your past.

And MamaBear ain't just talkin' 'bout the paranormal or the Reality TV Show of "A Ghost Ate My Math Homework!" either.

See, it's like this.

Every single time we or our children go thru really trying challenges….it's bound to leave a few scars here and there.

True, those scars might be as easy to heal as a scratched mosquito bit…or they might be as soul-searingly agonizing as being stabbed in the heart and left for dead.

Whatever level of the pain…it makes no difference, chances are…some scarring *will* occur.

Now, time heals all wounds, of course.  But the thing that smacked MamaBear upside the head with the force of ten thousand screaming toddlers stampeding for free ice cream is the following.

The ghosts the scars leave….can re-emerge and blindside you with breathless ease.

And what MamaBear says "you", she doesn't *only* mean *you*…she means your kids, your friends, your spouse….anyone with whom you deal in life.

Trust me on this….when ghosts emerge, it can be real painful, real quick, and hurt the ones you love…real bad.

Which is real lousy-like, y'know?

Ghosts can emerge when you're with someone you love and all of a sudden, a trigger is detonated that spirals you down, down down…back down into all of the horrible feelings and anger you experienced when you were last hurt and scarred.

And when these ghosts emerg, all of your past emotions come flooding back to the surface, drowning your common sense and leaving you prey to horrible feelings that sap your personal strength from you faster than a TurboDyson vacuum cleaner.

Keep in mind….

That's what happens to you….I don't even want to get into how it affects the person who is the recipient of your reaction.

So how do you deal with these ghosts that can strike at a moment's notice and make your immediate life hell?

So glad you ask!  Here's what MamaBear recommends.

Short and sweet….embrace your ghosts, explain them to your friends, and come up with a red-flag word you can use whenever you're spiraling out of control.

Tell your children or your spouse or your friends or what have you *about* the experience that causes you to go bananas.

Explain to them that while you're banana-izing… it's *not* them, it *is* you, and you *will* return to normal as soon as possible.

MamaBear strongly believes that while every parent should be considered the All-Powerful Parental Unit, the plain fact is…

We're all human.  And as such, we all can fall prey to hurt and heartache.

But your loved ones shouldn't have to suffer.

See, in almost all cases, you cannot banish your ghosts all together.

The plain fact is….instead of disappearing, they might simply reside in your sub-conscious, ready to leap out and devastate when you least expect it.

That's life.  It sucks, but it's life.  How you deal with it…that's *key*.

So embrace your ghosts of the past. 

Welcome them into your heart and soul.

Tell them that while you honor the lessons those experiences taught you, you're no longer going to deny their existence.

Instead, you're going to tell your friends and loved ones about them, all about them…and then give red-flag words to your friends to let them know when you are going thru hell.

Thus, the next time a ghost pounces upon you and forces you to relieve a particular hell, you will *not* take your friends and loved ones unaware….instead, you'll tell them:

"I'm dealing with a ghost right now.  It's not you, it's me, I will be fine, but please…give me some time to deal with it."

You'd be surprised at how much hurt not only you will avoid…but also how grateful your loved ones will be that you care enough to give them warnings when your banana-izing hell starts.

And possessing that skill…is priceless.  Both for you…and your children as well.

Parent well,

MamaBear

Easy Tip To Ensure Your Child Always Remembers How Much You Believe In Them

Wow.

Today MamaBear got blindsided by Honorable Boy #2's continuing lack of self-confidence…and turned on a dime to deal with it.

Here's how.

It all started when Honorable Boy #2 casually left his plastic strings scattered about on the kitchen floor.

Now, it's true that MamaBear was *not* born with the neatness gene (compared to her husband, whose office floor could double for an open-heart surgery table)

And it's also true that all 4 of MB's kids look at neatness as something of an oversight.

Be that as it may, MamaBear does enforce standards whenever possible.

So!  MamaBear saw the mess HB2 left…and called him back to clean it up.

He picked up 2 strings and left.

Callback #2 happened!

He picked up 1 more string…and left.

Callback #3 happened, and this time…MamaBear had a *very* strong talk about responsibilities, did HB2 want to live in the garage or under a tree, and if he knew what was good for him, he'd make the kitchen floor sparkle by the time she got back from dropping off his siblings to school.

MamaBear then packed HD1 and HD2 into the MooseMobile and drove off to school.  While driving, however, Honorable Son #1 (otherwise known as HB1), called up and said,

"Mom, HB2 is sitting on the floor crying; he thinks he can never do anything right.  I calmed him down and made him feel better, but could you talk to him on the phone?"

So MamaBear did, and told HB2:

"Okay, listen.  Yep, you're going thru a tough time in life, but never forget!  I will *always* and *forever* believe in you!  And if I was a lousy mother, I'd just brush it off, but you know you have *have* to learn.  Yes, it hurts, and yes, it's painful, but guess what!  Your siblings outgrew their tendencies for daily mistakes, and so will you. I promise you that."

That was received very well, but while driving back home, MB realized that she had to give HB2 something to remind him that she's always in his heart….even if she's physically not there.

After returning home, MamaBear went to her karate bag and took out her favorite MamaBear guardian plushie (the one shown above).

This particular plushie was deeply rooted in MB's heart; back when she started karate, she had her own guardian angel wolfie plushie stored in her karate sparring bag that watched over her every time she got beaten into the floor.

Then one of her friends needed a reminder of their personal greatness, so MamaBear gave her wolfie to that friend.  It was the right thing to do…but wow, she realized she needed a replacement to look after her.

That replacement was the snow-white polar bear that's been with her now for the past 2 years.

MamaBear called HB2 over to her, sat him down, showed him the MamaBear plushie and said:

"This guardian angel is now yours….so whenever you need to be reminded that I'm always in your heart, you have to just look at this plushie and….remember."

HB2's eyes could have lit up the Empire State Building, let me tell you!

The moral of the story is that even if your child shows self-confidence when with you….there might be times and places where horrible self-doubts creep in.

And that's why you need to give your children something of *you* to keep close by themselves during times of thick and thin.

A physical reminder, something they can cuddle to their hearts…its value simply cannot be underestimated.

So, if your children need a reminder of your utter belief and love in them, consider giving them a plushie that represents *you*. 

And that's a memory that will last a lifetime, y'know?

Parent well,

MamaBear