Wow.
Just…..wow.
Gentle reader, do you have *any* clue whatsoever how much MamaBear hates parents who crave to live through their children's accomplishments???
Well, actually, let me amend that statement.
- Feeling pride for a kid…
Okay, that's gold.
- Feeling joy that your child overcame his or her limitations and proved to themselves that they were capable of greatness…
Yep, that's the stuff of which epic legends like MacGyver are built.
But!
Have you ever seen the cheerleading moms or the football dads who are sooo focused upon regaining their own personal glory that they lose sight of the fact….
It's not *their* life anymore?
Yep, me too…and let me tell you, it frosts MamaBear's petunias more than the last Ice Age quick-froze furry wooly mammoths!
When you see yourself through your children's accomplishments, all you are doing is patting yourself on the back and being an awesome support system of…..
*One*.
And that *one* *ain't* the most important one…ie, your child.
Heck, you end up satisfying your needs…and your needs *only*…at the expense of your child.
Not good whatsoever!!
Which brings me to the next critical point.
If you're a narcissistic parent, you're willingly damaging your child *right now* and you simply have got to *stop*.
What are some signs of people like you?
Let's see….they could include:
- You never let your child show real emotions in public. After all, if they did…you might get embarrassed that the attention has shifted away from you.
- You refuse to let your child grow independent. Perish the thought! They might come up with ideas that do *not* put your parenting in a good light.
- At kid events, you must be the center of attention. The more the better. After all, who is more important?
- You never consider that your actions damage your child's self-esteem. I mean, how could they? Your children had better think the way *you* want them to.
- Your child is always at fault. It's never you, because you never make parenting mistakes.
- You always hold out on 100% praise. Your kid got a 101 grade? Why didn't he or she skip a grade instead?
- You observe zero parenting boundaries. The concept of privacy is alien to you, because after all, your child belongs to you. Kinda sorta like your prized collection of footballs. No privacy is required.
- You bring up the past when dealing with the present. "You were always difficult/annoying/stupid/worthless/etc.! There's no hope you'll grow (and hence, grow away from me).
If you see yourself in anything of the above, be aware.
You're inflicting wounds on your children that might never heal.
So take ownership of your failure and start making it into a success.
For even more information, check out:
- Dear Teenager with Narcissistic Mother
- Getting Over a Narcissistic Mother
- Growing up with a narcissistic mother
- How to cope with narcissistic father
- The narcissistic parent
Yes, it's lousy that you've been such a crummy parent to this date.
That's life.
But it doesn't mean you cannot take the steps to fix it today!
Your children….are counting on you.
And that…says it all.
Parent powerfully,
— MamaBear
ps – Need more resources? Consider:
