RANT – I Utterly HATE Doormat Children and Adults!

It's time for the annual/monthly/every blue moon time for a tremendous MamaBear Rant!  (oh, and the doormat you see on this post – it's from http://cocomatsnmore.com ).

This time, allow MamaBear to sit back, down 27 cups of coffee and muse on one of the biggest plagues of modern civilization:

Doormat children and adults!

Hardly anything except perhaps teasing or sibling rivalry or disrespect or lack of self-confidence or forgetting one's chores or blaming the teacher instead of taking ownership or my computer failing to auto-heat my coffee…..will cause such an outflow of utter annoyance and downright snarliness.

I mean….really.

If your kids let their friends walk all over them, and then "promise" better behavior by retaining their friendship…my gosh, there's only one word I can spell out to describe your child.

And it's this.

*Loser!*

Now, you might ask yourself, "Gee MamaBear, how on earth can you be sooo judgmental?"

Let me tell you, gentle reader, it's obvious….because back in her childhood, MamaBear was so doormatly that she would be grateful for *any* positive word from any peer, no matter how abused she was.

So yep, I have *earned* my right and ability to tell it like it is.

And doormat kids and adults are….big huge losers indeed.

I was reminded of this God-awful fact a few weeks ago.  Let me take you back, back back…

(cue dreamy nostalgic music here!)

A good friend of mine had gone traveling about for a week, and was experiencing some challenges with her friends and business adventures. 

I, as is my trademark, made sure to design some 'feel good' images that I could send to her phone, and also configured my server so email messages would be received as:

  • patience@friendship.com

or

  • angst@google.com

(if you own your own server, it's easy to do the above…I might not own the domain names in question, but I can configure my site to send out emails as though they originated *from* those domains.  It's really neat, actually!)

Anywhos!

It turns out what what I had thought would be amusing and uplifting, was received more negatively than baby seals spying a club on the horizon.

In a word…wah.

My wonderful intentions fell flat but even worse…damaged our friendship.

We did end up working it out, mind you, but afterwards, I took a humungous look at what I had been doing for my friend over the past few months and realized:

"My gosh, I'm being such a doormat!"

Why on earth should I continuously be there for my friend when it's valued less than coffee minus caffeine?

Answer: I shouldn't. 

I always tell my cubs (and myself, for that matter), that when you give, it should be from an open heart and you should never expect anything in return.

But….

It's hell when you can't follow your own advice, aye?

I solved my own problem by deleting every good image I had made for my friend (action always rocks!) and then removing Gtalk from one particular account (the only reason why gtalk was available for that persona was solely so my friend could reach me; day in, day out, I'd be there if needed.  Well, f*ck* that smelly formula-based poop-loaded diaper, I'll simply keep open a gmail window instead)

I still do love and value my friend, mind you, but I've decided to be a mirror and simply reflect back how she treats me.

Which brings me to the point of this post!

Do your kids have user friends more scummy than the Black Lagoon?

You know, those kids who promise to be nice to your children, or who say they'll hang out with your kids, or tell your kids that they'll refuse to like them unless they do their homework for them etc.?

Hmmmm?

If so, you simply *have* to nip that in the bud!

That path leads to the, not quite Dark Side, as the Dark Side requires confidence to abuse, but perhaps instead to the decayed-ivory-shade-of-ancient-wallpaper-color Side.

Listen, and listen good:

You are doing your children a superbly colossal dis-service if you let your kids continue to maintain such a one-sided relationship.

HD2 once had that problem, you know….she would always want to give gifts and presents to people so they'd want to spend time with her (did I mention yet how much like me HD2 is?  This was 6 years ago, mind you).

And when I found out about that, I calmly and gently read her a bedtime story riot act.

HD2 (like us all) is a *gift*.

  • You're a gift.
  • Your children are a gift.
  • I'm a gift.

In other words, when your child decides to spend time with people, that's something said people should treasure and appreciate…and not take for granted.

And you need to figuratively beat into your kids….

"If someone is treating you poorly and making you do things to keep their friendship, they are more worthless than chewed up sour gum sticking on the bottom of their concert band dress shoes."

Yep.

What I said.

To help your kids value themselves, you can have them:

  • Write down their good qualities
  • Draw pictures of their good qualities
  • Look into the mirror and tell their reflection, I deserve to be treated as great as I treat others!

Keep in mind that it takes a towering amount of time to instill this fact into their inner-spirit!

It might require constant repetition and even then (witness MamaBear!), there might be times the doormattyness returns.

But wow, when you teach your kids how *not* to be a pathetic doormat, you're giving them the gift of self-confidence and ensuring that their future friendship are healthy indeed.

And that, of course, can only be described as a Very Good Thing.

Wouldn't you agree?  🙂

Parent powerfully,

— MamaBear

One Blindingly Simple Way To Help Instill Rock-Solid Self-Confidence In Your Kids

If there's one thing MamaBear learned from her hell of being bullied as a child, it's that inner self-confidence can bravely help fend off any feelings of ickness.

'course, she discovered *that* gem in her late 20s/early 30s, so go figure.  🙂

Be that as it may, when MamaBear decided that creating Magnificent Ling Cubs were a Very Good Thing indeed, she made the following stoic promise to herself:

"Her cubs would *never* *ever* *ever* grow up feeling like they were….worthless."

Not that MamaBear's parents did that, mind you; it was the overall hell of being bullied that sapped any self-worth from her faster than emo Goth teenagers snap up black eyeliner at the local dollar store.

And here's the best way I've discovered to do that.

Ready?

No?

Okay, get some coffee or your favorite hot beverage, and let me know when you're comfortable and sitting down.

Now?

No?

How about some humor to relax you?

(yep, that's one of my business videos.  🙂 )

Alrighty then!

One of the best ways to instill rock-solid self-confidence in your kids is to:

Always tell them (and I mean *always*) that you believe in them 140%.

Simple, isn't it?

And yet, how many times do we drop the ball in letting our kids know that rather obvious fact?

Knowing that someone they love believes in them; it's something that strikes deeply into their hearts and soul (in a good way!) and helps strengthen their own particular take on themselves.

I make sure to always emphasize this to my kids (especially HS1 and HS2, as they're the ones more prone to goofing up due to their age) whenever possible.  Even (or perhaps, especially?) when I'm coming down on them with consequences, I always close the agonizing experience with:

"Remember, no matter what, I will *always* believe in you 140%!  Yep, it sure is tough growing up, and right now you might think things are hopeless, but remember…always and forever, I will *always* believe in you."

Here's why I think this is effective.

Parenting really is a hero's journey…so is growing up.

When kids make mistakes every day or choose rather idjut choices, it's really tough for them to keep the faith, so to say, that things will improve.

But if mom or dad or a loved one in authority spells out how much they believe in them…then it *has* to be true, right?

Yep, what I said. 

Never underestimate how such a simple phrase like "I believe in you" can rock your child's world…in ways you never might have considered.

The benefits last a lifetime.

Parent well,

MamaBear