“My child think he’s gay, how can I fix this?”

From the mailbag:

"Dear Mama Bear,

My eldest boy Ryan has told me that he thinks he's gay.  I know that he's just shy around women, how can I help him become the man I know he can be?


At A Loss"

Dear AaL,

It's always tough when our kids follow the path that's right for them…and not for their parents.

Being gay is not a choice, you know….asking your son to be straight is like asking *you* to be *gay*.

And what's the chances of that, aye?

You see….

MamaBear believes that for the vast majority of cases, we're born hardwired into our sexual preferences.

It's not something you can change, but it *is* something you can support.

Your son is still the person you've loved your entire life.  His sexual preferences has zero bearing (or at least, should have zero bearing) on those deep-seated emotions and the fact that he is still…*your* son.

Coming to terms with one's sexuality is tough enough without having to deal with people who think it's something that can be "fixed."  And I know that your feelings are from the heart too….but you need to look at your son's choices thru his eyes…and his eyes only.

I'd recommend you check out the following resources:

They should give you lots of great coping advice.

In closing, AaL, treasure the fact that your son trusted you enough to come out to you.

As life continues, you'll realize….that's quite the incredible gift.

Thus speaks…MamaBear

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  1. Reply

    Right on Mama! I agree with everything you just said, and you did it without being preachy! Love it! Cheers!

      • Mama Bear
      • June 8, 2011

      My pleasure Kathleen, and thanks for stopping by!

    • Ed
    • June 8, 2011

    This reminds me of one of my all-time favorite Miss Manners responses:

    Dear Miss Manners:

    What am I supposed to say when introduced to a homosexual couple?

    Gentle Reader:

    “How do you do? How do you do?”

      • Mama Bear
      • June 8, 2011


      It’s amazing how many parents freak out over this….

  2. Reply

    Hi Mama Bear,

    This really jumped out at me from the foot of one of your articles in my reader… I spent around 1 to 2 years as a young teenager wondering about this very issue. I was really quite shy and had no luck with girls… the doubts crept in and then as a result my peers labelled me as gay and it was a really interesting year or two.

    I think much of the prejudice people feel is created in those moments – if kids get hold of this idea that it’s a bad thing to be gay, then they use it to taunt and to punish, whether or not it is true.

    As a parent, if one of my children goes through this experience I think I’ll be better placed to hold them in love – which to be honest is all you really need to do. There’s no point in trying to convince someone they are or aren’t gay – it’s a confusing time enough as it is, just being a teenager! In time they will work out their truth and then your job is to smile and say, “good for you!”.

    Cheers, Dan.

      • Mama Bear
      • June 9, 2011

      Hi Dan!

      Thanks so much for swinging by and commenting on this issue!

      It’s such an important one these days (our days too as well!) to be open and accepting of our children as they find their way in their world. And I totally agree w/you regarding the development of prejudice as you mentioned – that’s definitely something that really contributes towards it.

      Kudos to you for how you plan on being there for your kid! It’s most excellent indeed.

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