Ever wish your child was powerful beyond all imagining?
Ever want your children to be able to handle everything life throws at them…and more?
If so, MamaBear has the ultimate solution for them!
And it's this.
Teach your children that the only person she or he can rely upon (besides you)...are themselves.
It will save them from a whole huge heapin' amount of hurt in the future.
I was reminded of this yesterday when I encountered the Parenting Trauma from Obliterating Hell. It's very rare (as in, perhaps only once or twice a year) when I get socked with a parenting challenge that utterly devastates me.
Very rare indeed….but I will admit, being only human, it does happen.
Now, I never rely on people except my husband and family. It's been my experience that unless someone truly loves you, they value their own self more than you. Which, I suppose, is quite natural.
Thing is, though…the issue yesterday involved the husband as well, and so I turned to one of my best friends.
Life, alas, just plain happened, so that fell through. 🙁
In hindsight, I take ownership for letting myself be weak and giving myself permission to rely upon someone other than myself.
If I had stayed strong and independent and self-reliant, I would not have allowed myself to weaken …and ultimately been disappointed.
I'm not mad at my friend of course; I chose to count on her, I take ownership of the results.
Which brings me to the point of this post.
It's very easy for children to give ownership of their successes, failures and feelings to *other* people.
When they count on others, they are effectively letting themselves blame others should things go bad.
I've seen it often enough with my kids when they're partnered with idjuts at school. Said idjuts drop the ball, they neglect to complete their responsibilities….and then my kids tell me, "But Mom, I couldn't study more because the other students didn't complete their responsibilities and get me the materials!"
To which I say,
The plain fact is, the only person upon whom children can rely (besides their family), 100%, are themselves.
And if the other students fail to do their schoolwork, your kids *have* to take ownership and gain the knowledge themselves.
You see, it's very tempting, at young ages, to count on one's friends. But when they fall through, all your kids are left with…
- are hurt, painful feelings.
And that just plain sucks.
I now like to tell my kids,
"Hope for the best….but prepare for the worst."
That way, you're never disappointed.
It's funny – yesterday was the first time in years I actually broke down enough to reach out for help. I had not a single doubt that help would come through.
And when it didn't, I cried a bit and then realized, hey. Life. It happens. If I had chosen to stay strong, I wouldn't have been weakened.
My gosh, that's profound. 🙂
But 100% true.
Give your children the gift of self-reliance…and teach them *never* to count 100% on anyone except themselves….until they meet people who would go to the ends of the world for them.
It will help them greatly in life.